No Offense Tchaicovsky

I have to say it's pretty hilarious that most of the closest people in my life have been conditioned to fly into full-fledged panic anytime a note from the Nutcracker Suite touches their ears. The score, though beautiful, has been known to throw me into fits of rage, especially the Sugar Plum variation or the Waltz of the Flowers. My boss has it on his ipod and even when it comes on when he's at home alone, he leaps over furniture to quickly change it to another song.

There was a time in my life, when I considered Tchaicovsky's masterpiece magical. It was an exciting time of year for me. It signaled new dance opportunities and the beginning of the holiday season which I had been anticipating since January 1st. (I know I'm a dork.) Nutcracker auditions were usually in September and it was always thrilling to find out what new part I would get to play that year. The years I got to play Clara were pivotal for me and I enjoyed the experience immensely. Hearing those lovely notes would transport me to another world. One that I longed to share with audiences in a new way each and every year. That was in high school. For eleven Nutcrackers, I saw my dancing grow and mature as I was given bigger and better parts. My senior year I played the Sugar Plum Fairy. From there, there was no where to go but down.

Fast forward a few years. Around Nutcrackers thirteen and fourteen I started to play the same parts over and over again: Dewdrop, Merlitons, Snow, Petals. It never changed. Around Nutcracker fifteen I started to crack. Sixteen was met with bitterness and a sense of obligation. During Nutcracker seventeen, I sold my soul for the money. I wanted to be anywhere but in rehearsal. My friends were celebrating and shopping while I spent countless hours in a studio or theatre. I even had a show on Christmas Eve. I hated it with every fiber of my being. I was miserable, sleep deprived and extremely short tempered. My boss even threatened to fire me if I ever did another Nutcracker. But I had a car loan to pay off. And so I danced...joylessly and with a depressing lack of the wonder and inspiration that I used to live for.

I'm happy to say that as of today, the only times I have heard the Nutcracker score this calendar year were the few moments that my boss was daring enough to play it on purpose just to spite me. Rest assured, he was assaulted with highlighters within seconds of it's recognition.

I wish I could say I missed it, but I really don't. I do miss my friends and the crazy things we would do in between shows or during long rehearsals but I am so relieved to actually be able to celebrate the holidays.

Maybe I will miss it next year.

Or the year after. We'll play it by ear.